The Seeking

Been doing lots of writing in private and also thinking about things in the general vein of this journal, but I'm still working at something that's pretty big, and couldn't really talk about it properly.


The author flails and gestures feebly.


Indeed.

This isn't a big post or anything I'd planned out or thought about for any long amount of time. I just feel like rambling.

So the S.O. and I are recently going to this church. And today's sermon was by a guest speaker, actually an Episcopalian minister or whatever, and he talked at great length about the sober realities of mortality. It was his conclusion, in line with UU values, that only love is eternal, it's our highest value, and, you know, act in love and stuff.

( These are the harder, less tangible, concepts to communicate. )

Online Videos by Veoh.com
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v3328034qszBj9gq

you will have to download a viewer program to watch it, but it's all there, and there's nothing bad going on with the download. I don't think the loss in quality is all that bad either, considering.

If you watch it, please let's have a discussion of it. Lots of interesting material to dig into here, for certain.

I may post more regularly in the near future.

My thoughts have been indistinct and hard to capture. Still trying to manage the concepts I have been approaching the last time I spoke at length. I have met some interesting folks who stimulate me. Also: I need to kick my drug habit. hahaha.

Scientology is so effing evil. I need to put together a well-explained thesis of some kind explaining how I perceive Scientology to ultimately be a world slavery scheme. But, seriously, if you look at end results the way I try to, I think you will see what I mean. Look at what the actual results of things are, and you will see their value.

Anonymous always brings cake, so go protest. If there is interest then I will scrounge up links. try 711chan.net ... if it isn't down. encyclopedia dramatica is great too. Operation Chanology!!!

Also, the Real ID thing is super evil and it needs to stop right now.

oh yeah, while I'm here, check out this dude.

Toby Philpott
he's got a really interesting life story, and he's a cool guy besides, I been talking to him and stuff. He knows a lot of the neat occult and/or quasi-scientific type things but that is not all there is to this guy.

I'm helping him make this, so if you've read it, help us; and if you haven't, then read it, and then help us.

Oh yeah, and if you read Illuminatus! by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson, you can figure out at last for certain what was actually going on (approximately) with how the Pentagon got "hit" or whatever on 9/11.

It's kind of important. Sort of scary. But we're all still here, so it couldn't have been too bad, amirite?

something to look at while tripping on psilocybin mushrooms.



Glycerin and turbulence

I don't post much since April. But I might begin to do so more regularly in the future. So, if you miss seeing me post all the time, you should probably go there. To the future, I mean.

Some really crazy things have been happening. It all has to do with this "Paganism" book that Crystal lent us. It has a section about physics, and it elucidates on the Holographic Universe thing that my old friend Felis mentioned to me back in early '05 but I didn't have the sense to recognize what it meant then.

Well, it looks like we're all one and stuff. Damn perennial philosophers.

And now I'm reading this book and this book, and things are getting really nutty.

I bought a portable tape recorder for two dollars at Goodwill. This is important because a potable tape recorder would have been useless for my purposes. My porpoises however, would have loved one for Kwanzaa.

I saw the world in 3-D for the first time, sometime around midnight, perhaps twenty-three minutes past on Sunday. As a result, I couldn't follow what anyone was saying at the party at Andy's place, it went away after I went out for a cigarette. I seem to be able to turn it on anytime. It's incredible and everything, but I'm too much of a communicator to stand around lolly-gagging at the graphics of this virtual reality game for very long.

So, I've been banging around the bush. It's true. And I have been delaying my gnosis. Getting things second-hand and calling it enlightenment is a pale joke, indeed. Well, at least I got published.

I'll probably have to do it, though. Become illuminated, of course. And you know what that means. If not, you should do some research on what gnosis really means. Self-Actualize! Something given easily is lost quickly, but if you work for it, you will see its importance. I read that in this book, and then learned it from God.

Anyway, I have some things to do, so I should wrap this up. Some quick thoughts for you

Everything on Earth exists within one system, and that is Earth itself. Everything in the system effects everything else, and we are far too blind to see all the little details.

Identify what you hate. Try to reconcile with it. Whatever you hate is a part of you and you are a part of it. I guarantee this.

No fear, no guilt, no shame, no blame, no stress, no anxiety. These are things that are going to trap you in a bad game. Cheaters do prosper, and even if you do everything right, it can all go wrong. Deal with it. And on the bright side, the Universe might actually totally cater to the true believer.

Stop talking shit. What I mean is lying. It does us all a disservice, and we're all just making ourselves miserable. Just pull the splinter out, rip the bandage off, and sever the poisoned arm. If you're in a situation that you feel traps you and forces you to lie, then...

focus on solutions, not problems. A fucking "fantasy" writer is saying this, so we should all be catching up by now. It's quite common today to become caught up in the intoxicating aura of the melodrama of problems. People learn to be this way, and...

Your brain is a real thing, your thoughts go through it and change it. It makes paths, like water, and then it's easier to go down the same path again. Next thing you know, you're an octogenarian, miserable, and way too senile to warn your grandchildren about what you foolishly taught their parents to teach them. That is hell, and it is an illusion.

If you have any questions, refer to track 3 of "Fragile" by Yes. And if you need anything else, there's some ants.

http://maybelogic.blogspot.com/2007/12/wicked-wiki.html

DEAD ARE ALL THE GODS: NOW DO WE DESIRE THE OVERMAN TO LIVE

Well, the first of four films in the Rebuild of Evangelion was released to the Japanese audience Saturday, and I have not yet seen the film, but check out what Anno has to say regarding his reasons for these films....

from http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2007-02-20/hideaki-anno-releases-statement-about-new-evangelion-movies

On February 17th, Shin Seiki Evangelion (Neon Genesis Evangelion) creator Anno Hideaki made a statement in the form of a movie poster that appeared in theatres all over Japan. The announcement was also posted on the new Evangelion movie and Yahoo! Japan portal sites for the film, which also launched on Friday.

A translation of the entire announcement is as follows:

Many different desires are motivating us to create the new "Evangelion" film.

The desire to portray my sincere feelings on film.
The desire to share, with an audience, the embodiment of image, the diversity of expressions, and the detailed portrayal of emotions that animation offers.
The desire to connect today's exhausted Japanese animation [industry] to the future.
The desire to fight the continuing trend of stagnation in anime.
The desire to support the strength of heart that exists in the world.

Finally, the desire to have these wishes be realized.

For these purposes, we used the best methods available to us to make another Evangelion film.
Many times we wondered, "It's a title that's more than 10 years old. Why now?"
"Eva is too old", we felt.
However, over the past 12 years, there has been no anime newer than Eva.

Specifically, among the stagnant mood of the present day, it is the portrayal of will - not technology - that is most important.
To support the fans that support animation, we felt that a work that would appeal to middle and high school-aged men, who quickly grow away from Anime, was necessary.
When we decided that we wanted to something to support the anime [industry] of today, the determination to return to this title was strong.

As the creator of this project, [I assure you that] a very new-feeling Evangelion world has beeen constructed.
For this purpose, we are not returning to our roots at Gainax. I have set up a production company and studio, and it is in this new setting that we will start again.
Without looking back, without admiration for the circumstances, we aim to walk towards the future.
Thankfully, we have gathered staff from the old series, new staff, and many other fantastic staff to work on this series.
We realize that we are creating something that will be better than the last series.

”Eva" is a story that repeats.
It is a story where the main character witnesses many horrors with his own eyes, but still tries to stand up again.
It is a story of will; a story of moving forward, if only just a little.
It is a story of fear, where someone who must face indefinite solitude fears reaching out to others, but still wants to try.
We hope that you look forward to the 4 new retellings of this story.

In closing, it is also our job to provide a service to our customers.
Although it seems obvious, we aim to create a form of entertainment that anyone can look forward to; one that people who have never seen Evangelion can easily adjust to, one that can engage audiences as a movie for theatres, and one that produces a new understanding of the world.

This fall, we hope you can join us.

Creator/General Director, Anno Hideaki

(disclaimer: the following was rattled off in the moment, please appreciate my earnestness and my intention and give me some allowances....)


I forewith name you a knight of freedom. Your highest charge is to protect the sanctity of absolutely highest and completely equal freedom for all sentient beings. Where ever there is tyranny, you are the single line of defence. There will be no second chance. You have been chosen. By God, Allah, Buddha, the Goddess, Zeus, the Nous, the All, or whatever highest power you recognize in the universe. It gives you and you alone the responsibility to ensure the safety of freedom. You cannot sit confident than there are others who will protect the single most important ideal of mankind. There is no assurance. You can only depend on yourself, you can only control your own actions.

There are forces at work, luring you into slavery. You must not accept a national ID card, under any circumstances. Do not allow the ID chipping of money. Make your congress destroy the Federal Reserve, an independant corporate identity which controls our money, our inflation, our debt.

The US Constitution and Bill of Rights are holy documents. If you are military or police, you have already sworn to uphold these before everything. As a human being and citizen of the world, it is in your greatest interest to swear the same. Do not let yourself be rail-roaded, intimidated, or pressured otherwise. Any authority who claims or demands contrary to these two holy documents is a traitor to the United States, and more importantly: mankind. Use your own god-given power of reason, the only power that can insure your freedom.

The plan of the corporate leaders who control our government is to put a tracking ID chip on every single thing on planet Earth, including you. If this happens, they will control everything. The system does not know best. There are examples of abuse of the powers already enstated. Watch some Alex Jones videos, just for starters.

They have taken away the legal support of your rights of freedom as a human being. Not the government, no politician, no leader, no one gave these to you, they were yours, and they can't take them away. You have merely to educate yourself and grasp them in your hands.

The controlling powers are destroying education in this country. That is lamentable, but not impossible to overcome. You are free, and the information exists and is accessible. Educate yourself, seek the knowledge and the truth.

I will help you.

The IRS is an illegal organization. There is not now nor ever has been a legal justification for federal income tax. It is a direct tax which is not apportioned, in violation of the Constitution and Bill of Rights. Federal Income Tax is in violation of the law. Stop paying it. They may come to your home. Ask them "where is the law?" They may arrest you. Ask them "where is the law?" You may be brought to court. Ask them "where is the law?" and you may even be put in jail. Ask them "where is the law?" They will never have an answer for you.

But first, empower yourself. There are allies. You can petition against this action. to begin, I reccomend www.freedomtofascism.com Together we can protect ourselves and our rights.

All you have to do is search, and it's very simple. Google things like "illegal federal income tax" or "CAFR". Search YouTube. Google "Unconstitutional" or "police state". Are these allies perfect? Are some of them misled by bias or conflicted interest? Of course. Humans are not perfect, and even those fighting tyranny don't agree about everything. But they do agree that this is illegal, and it is one of many elements brought in to play designed to enslave you.

We are being led from freedom to serfdom. Into Corporatism. What do you desire for yourself? for your children and everyone you love? The freedom to seek what they want which harms no one. We do not have this freedom. We have bureaucratic red tape and charges and taxes. How much could you accomplish without this? Is it even knowable?

You want the rights to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. These are guaranteed by the highest document of our government, and now the illegally appointed officials are trying to trick you, to take it away de facto by force and intimidation and distraction. Is television, video games, pop radio, any of these things more important than your most essential rights outlined above? I am proven tautologically correct, because it is you who can chose between the two.



No one's going to take me alive
The time has come to make things right
You and I must fight for our rights
You and I must fight to survive

and tonight, we can truly say,
together we're invincible

Was watching a DVD I found for free in the book exchange at Portland Public Library called Freedom to Fascism when this quote came up on the screen. It expresses my thoughts perfectly. This is what I believe is the case with most Americans.

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free."
-Goethe.


Oh Goethe. I <3 you, you proto-emo kid you.

Thoughts? Comments?

Hi.

I posted some written things on my deviantart account.

At the Wayside Soup Kitchen on Preble st in Portland Maine
2005-06-21
This is a poem about pudding. No, the ants are not supposed to be a metaphor for something else. Certainly not homeless people. No, the poem is not a contemplation of the comparison of myself to homeless people. No, the poem was not inspired by actual feedings of real ants with real leftover pudding from a real soup kitchen. No, I haven't mixed my metaphor as pertains to the speaker, confusing him with God, the Soup Kitchen, or a wandering philosophical soul finding himself stranded amung the refuse of western culture. It's about pudding. Move along.


The Homelessness Industry
2005-07-12
This is a story as true as any can be... given my views on non-fiction (re: Fear and Loathing in Assisted Housing, another piece of mine).

Let's talk style. Like how the story is basically told in reverse, except not even as simply as that. What do you think, does it work well? Is it better to describe this girl after telling you she's getting arrested for making suicidal comments?

Yes, you can be arrested for that and forced to receive medical/psychological care. But only for like three days and then they have to let you go, basically. As if that really helps anything! Like talking to a bunch of sterile motherfucking PhDs who don't know you and probably view you as an object could possibly improve your longterm mental health. All it does is put you in a room where it's nigh impossible to do the deed if you really were going to do it to begin with anyway. And honestly, coming into contact repeatedly with such a cold and falsely concerned beauracracy, IMO, just makes you want to off yourself more. A system cannot care about a human being.


So, comments? Let's talk about the content here, hm? Ever felt suicidal? What helped you to not do it? And of course we can talk style and analyze my dialogue, is it really painfully wooden, or just obnoxiously so? hahahaha. take care.


WHO am I right Now? and HOW did I get HERE?
2005-10-24
I believe I was experimenting with something at the time. Something I'd seen or heard and liked. It's somewhat reminiscent of the rants I delivered at The Well but really it only reminds me of that because this is what I wanted to say to all those fuckers who thought they were suddenly my friends because they thought my spoken word was cool they thought they knew me. also Acoustic Coffee etc etc.

I was angry. I get like that. Sometimes I get hung up on the concept that no one understands me and no one can. If you don't enjoy it then don't read it but I suppose it's too late since DeviantArt started putting comments at the BOTTOM of deviations a while back... yes I've been here long enough to remember when they were at the top and honestly I perferred that.


fucking half of what I write anymore I can only place in the FICTION-> PHILOSOPHICAL category. how obnoxious there is no avant garde category although I haven't written much I would really want to put there. I don't know.


Feel free to leave comments as regards the personal content or also you may remark upon the style and so forth.


Fear and Loathing in Assisted Housing
2006-09-19
Over the last few years I've read some of Hunter S Thompson's work and decided to consciously integrate some of his style with my own. The result of that is this piece.

Once again... this is classified as fiction. I hope you understand that.


So, you want to leave me a comment? How kind of you. If you want to comment on any issues grammatical punctual + spellingal (tee hee) I'll first alert you that I vainly consider myself an EXPERIMENTAL AR-TEEST. See? So if you think you see an error of these types, please first consider that what you are seeing may be stylisitic. It is trew that I am not perfect, of course.

But if you would like to discuss issues of style, effect, structure characterization etc etc that would be lovely.

You are of course free to tell me in very simple words that you like this story and you probably will.

Thank you for your time we hope you are well.

stolen from timelight's post.

Haiku by existantgnostic

you determine your level of involvement in project mayhem

Username: Haiku! by Hutta.

Sometimes I can't get over how great Yes was '72-'73. Jon Anderson, Chris Squire, Steve Howe, Bill Bruford, and Rick Wakeman. Holy fuck. It's really important to me that people understand that these are five geniuses of music.

For instance, what do you see when people want to show off a band they love? Here on LJ. They'll post the lyrics to a song. That's because with the kind of music people do that with, the important issue of the music can be expressed by posting the lyrics. If I wanted to share Yes with you, posting the lyrics is fucking worthless.

You have to hear it.

And so, for a quick sample of Yes, you ought to hear "We Have Heaven" from the album Fragile.



Feel free to ignore the visuals, they have nothing inheirently to do with the song, just something added on by a fan (I think it could be a lot better, too).

Really of course, the ideal situation to hear this song is on vinyl on a fabulous stereo system with really sweet bass support. But anyway...

Bill Hicks' last live interview

Jake introduced me to Bill Hicks a few years ago, and it never totally got into me because I didn't have access to the material. Surfing wikipedia brought me to his article.

I have to say I feel a strong kinship with Bill Hicks. His battle with misanthropy and love for mankind, particularly, is something I don't believe I've seen expressed in a way I so strongly identified with.

I feel sad. That he didn't get to complete what he planned. I would have liked to have had the opportunity to tell Bill that I love him. It seems like he would have understood. But I do not use the phrase as I have seen others do: "the world has been deprived of a great man" because we haven't been. There he is, and his influence is only spreading. He said his piece, and it's on the record.

Devoured quite a bit of material on the man. And now I really want to do... something. I don't feel that the content of my show has been as good as it ought to be... and hasn't been expressing who I am, my ideas which are important to me, especially. I want to start talking. I've fallen into a slump recently, the music I've been drawn to lately sort of represents it even, a sort of fog. A place where I was sick of saying it and saying it, trying to tell people the sorts of things I find Bill saying.

Right now I feel I need to say it more. Develop some projects designed with the purpose of evolving my ideas and deseminating them.

Right now I am sleep deprived, and frustrated. I want to do something right now. I want something to happen. But that's my old flaw, where I imagine something and then it never happens. A neural short-circuit where somehow I feel like I did it, it's the strangest thing to explain.

So I'll have to actually envision the state I want to be in, and all the details, and determine the path to it, and act.


prying open my third eye

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7306123680018764254
After a mysterious blackout, a son goes out to investigate and captures footage of actual aliens. When the aliens follow he and his brothers back to their home all hell breaks loose.

Video is about an hour and a half long, just so you know.

Linked from 4chan/x/ post



mostly I posted this because I want to watch it at some point in the future when I have both a)a lot of free time & b)access to a much better computer than mine.

Here's an interesting site. I particularly like their section on mysterious artifacts.

http://www.virtuescience.com/mystery.html#artifacts

Basically, the site talks about unexplained phenomena. I am most intrigued by the artifacts, though, because these are physical objects which we have found, posessed, and studied, and cannot explain how they exist, do the things they do, or how we could date them to the period they seem to originate from (some are dated before homo sapiens). Fascinating stuff.

And when you get into things like Stonehedge and pyramids (from all over the world) and the Sphinx and such, and you read the articles by people not afraid to admit the facts, those things are eerily unexplainable, too. Many people jump to conclusions like aliens or psychic powers or magic and such, but the authentic seeker, I believe, is forced to admit there's no answer as of yet.

Who knows what went on back then?


On a what may be a related note: I've been playing an obscure SNES RPG called Terranigma that has been very curious.

My Friends page doesn't have enough activity.

Can you recommend an lj user or community that you enjoy?

For those who are understandably lazy: you don't even need to give me any reasons or descriptions if you don't have the energy or desire. A simple posting of lj names would be gladly appreciated.

I've been going through my interests list for communities... seen lots of things that looked totally great that ended up being completely dead. How disappointing!

It occurs to me that communities are only as good as their members, which potentially includes me, and I never post anywhere. I suppose it's due to anxiety over the quality or relevence of content I could provide. Also, of course, I've never invested myself nearly enough in any community, so I never am clear on any peculiar rules they might have, or the ins and outs of the group. Also, because of this I might end up posting something that's been said before.

Well there you have it.